Making It

Since I’ve become a mother, so many people are asking me about my “baby daddy”. He’s not in the picture. He never will be in the picture. I’ve tried everything I can to get him in the picture – for her sake, not mine. And I’m done.

Then there is the whole “I didn’t know you were dating/engaged/married” thing. I wasn’t. I was fucking him. That is the plainest, simplest way I can put it.

I began spending time with my daughter’s father after my ex-boyfriend shattered my heart. He and I (the ex-boyfriend) had been dating for three years, when all of a sudden he yanked all of his love and affection from me. The end culminated in a 24 hour period of him not answering or returning my phone calls/texts. When our relationship fell apart I was re-introduced to someone I had known (not in the biblical sense) before.

I was so hurt; I wanted any kind of affection. Love and sex have always walked hand in hand for me. I was fucking him looking for love in a very wrong place. And yet I found it. Because of him, I met the true love of my life. And I named her Zoey Elizabeth.

But when you tell people that your child’s dad is not in the picture you get strange responses. Someone actually told me “I’m glad you’re making the best of it.” Making the best of it? She’s MY baby. We’re not some charity case. We ARE a family. And this is the way it was meant to be.

Do I want her to have a father someday? Yes. I do.

But the man I marry, the man I decide to spend OUR lives with will have to love both of us. Not just one or the other. We are a package deal.

Life might have thrown me a curve ball, but baby I hit it outta the fucking park.

I’m not looking for someone to rescue us. I don’t need a life preserver. I’m not drowning. We are thriving. She has so much love in her life and so do I. I do hope I will find the type of romantic love I hope for and the type of fatherly love she deserves.

And until then, you can bet your ass we’re “making it”.