So - a lot has changed in the last few months since I've posted. I'm now a single mom. I'd like to think I'm a milf - but baby bumps don't magically disappear on the due date.
Motherhood has definitely changed the way I think about my body. It's been reborn. My stomach is not just a bone of contention that used to be flat and is no longer - it is the part of my body that carried a brand new life. My breasts are the source of my daughter's food. My arms are a comfort my baby girl when she's upset.
Motherhood has also changed the way I date. Every decision I make now involves my daughter. If I want to go out - I have to get a sitter. If I want a relationship with someone, I'd better damn well know he will treat my baby like his own. And that we will both be loved fiercely. If I want to have sex with someone, I'll have to make sure I'm not on antibiotics. (Oops.)
Sometimes I wonder if I'll be a single mom forever. I always wondered if I'd ever find love. Hell I wonder if any man I ever loved truly loved me back. Now the stakes are so much higher. I need a partner now more than ever. And don't get me wrong - as a product of a single mom myself - I know I can provide the kind of life that will help my daughter grow into a strong, independent woman. But I want love. A partnership. Someone to help me carry my load in life.
I think that's all anyone can ask. Is to have someone that's there for them always. Maybe I'll find that person - but I'm sure there will be more bumps along the way - as long as there are no more baby bumps until that special person is found!
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