Bittersweet

Without the bitter, you don't appreciate the sweet.

Have you ever met someone and had those immediate sparks? The kind that turns your tummy to mush and makes your heart race? The thought of a new romantic interest, with it's promise of happiness and perhaps, love is almost addictive. They call it puppy love. Who can resist? Smiles from across the room, flirty kisses, holding hands - all the good stuff you get to do before the real work of a relationship starts.

Lately I haven't even had a chance to stay with someone long enough for the real work to start. The sweetness begins with a bang and then it's all over.

I think I may have a Romeo and Juliet complex. Are all my lovers doomed to be of the star-crossed variety?

Sometimes I feel like I'm perpetually stuck in Casablanca. The film, not the city. I'm Ilsa and I only have a Rick - no Victor in sight.

But could I settle for a Victor? A good man, whom I love dearly? Or will I always be chasing after a Bogey? The man who is wrong for me in so many ways, but just feels so right?

Whether it's distance, differing levels of attraction, or just plain wrong - I seem to only be able to find men who will at some point or another, still leave me lonely.

But ah, that first date is sweet isn't it? It's all about that first kiss. That moment when someone sees the real you for the first time. The first glimmer of hope that you've finally found someone. That's why I keep going.

I'm tired of the bitter. The parting is such sweet sorrow. The "'tis better to have loved and lost...".

I want a happy ending. My life is no fairy tale - I know. And I realize that even a strong relationship takes work. I guess I'm just ready for the work to begin.

Will my heart ever heal itself so much that the pieces of duct tape holding it together disappears? Probably not.

I pray my trials and tribulations today will help pave the way to a brighter future tomorrow.

I have no doubts that every man I've ever given my heart has helped to shape me. Mold me into a better person.

Because if I didn't still believe that the sweet was out there for me, I could become bitter.

So, to the loves I've lost, and the ones I haven't yet met - "Here's looking at you, kid."