The Merry Month of May

May is one of my very favorite months. It's the beginning of summer, flowers are in bloom, and also it's National Masterbation Month.

We have a lot of fucked up holidays in this country but a whole month to celebrate self-love? Count. Me. In. I'm worse than a 13 year old boy with a new-found stack of Playboys.

Personally, I celebrate masterbation month every month. I know not every 20-something (Yes, I'm still in my twenties damnit.) is as empowered as I am. I can't imagine a world where one has to be dependent on a man to have an orgasm. Sure, they're more fun with a partner - but being self-sufficient is never a bad thing.

Ladies, I know toys can be scary. After my last post, I decided to let my fingers do the walking in a different way and get in a little online shopping. Since my first dildo was far too loud and impractical for actual use, I thought maybe I would find something else.

I found one that had tentacles. Seriously. Tentacles. This is me trying to get a little quiet time in - not a fucking animated Japanese porno. Also, there was one advertised that was 24 inches long. THAT'S TWO FUCKING FEET! And interestingly enough, I found a rubber ducky. Not exactly sure how that one works - but I'm sure it would make bathtime fun. That is, if I weren't so afraid of electrocuting myself. That would be a fun tombstone. Here lies Baily - she died by vibrating rubber ducky.

There's nothing wrong with letting your fingers do the walking. It's served me for more years than I care to admit.

So friends, this month - go on and give yourself a hand. The government says it's ok! You've earned it.