Home is Where the Heart Is

"This means the same to me" he said as tears streamed down my face.

We share a lifetime of inside jokes, anecdotes, and our own special language. We share a hometown and went to the same college. He's put stars in my eyes since I first had a crush on him in the first grade. We laugh together. We challenge each other. We support each other. We can pick up where we left off whether it's been 5 days or 5 years.

They say you can't go home again. They also say home is where the heart is. I'm still trying to figure out what it is they actually know. They sure do say alot.

Not too long ago I found myself back in my high school bedroom, living with my parents with a baby on the way. I'm back home in a big way. And it still gets to me. So I've decided to embrace my current situation whole-heartedly.

I'm getting back out in the community. I'm getting involved in church and other activities. I'm creating a legacy of service to my community for my daughter. I've firmly set my feet back home.

My heart? Oh I lost it a long time ago. See I'm the worst at losing things. I've put my keys in the freezer and searched frantically for my eyeglasses - that I later found on top of my head. In the kitchen I've been known to do a full 360 looking for a spatula that is still in my hands.

Last night I had a breakthrough. After years of searching, I re-discovered my heart.

Usually when I lose something I re-trace my steps. I put on my Sherlock Holmes cap when I lost my keys and found it was elementary. I was thirsty when I walked in the door and got a cold glass of water. For some stupid reason, I set my keys inside the freezer while I was doing something else (read: running my mouth).

I was able to re-trace my steps last night. After an amazing conversation, I realized he had it all along. My complete and utter romantic failures stemmed from the fact that I couldn't give my all to anyone else because my first love still had such a large part of me.

Two major things I had been battling suddenly were solved this weekend. My home is Marshall, Texas. In the same bedroom I used in high school. Right across the hall from my baby girl and across the house from Mom and Dad. My heart remains with the only man I've ever really loved.

I'm not sure what our next step is or if we'll even take any. At least I know where my heart is now.