Smile for the Camera

Ah, the curse of the penis picture. Recently a New York Congressman, appropriately named Wiener sexted on Twitter.

I'm no stranger to receiving an dirty picture or two. I had a brief flirtation with a guy online and thought he was normal enough to have my number. The FIRST thing he did was send me a picture of his dick with the caption "wanna ride?" No hello. No how ya doin. Just an upclose and graphic picture of his junk.

For some reason, the online dating scene is full of these guys. And no one wants to be "that guy". Usually it takes a few dates for me to decide if I want to see someone's package. I've been on okcupid for about a year now and if I wanted to, I could have enough penis pics to have a gallery opening. I might as well have been trolling for sex on craigslist.

I've seen them all. Big, small, crooked and uncut. Some are nice. Others remain burned into my retinas (fellas do the world a favor and try a little manscaping). Unless you've found Bigfoot's dick, I don't want to see photographic evidence of something that hairy.

And it seems the second the picture is received, all communication is lost. No more texts, emails or phone calls. And all I'm left with is photographic evidence that he has tamed the one-eyed monster. What I don't understand is why. If you're gonna commit to sending a photo why can't you commit to coffee? I'm at a total loss. And just like every mother thinks her baby is the most beautiful creature on the planet (mine actually is) every man thinks his manhood is the most beautiful...um, creature on the planet.

So I guess the moral is, once you send you can't go back again. So keep it in your pants until you've bought the lady a dinner or three. Oh, and if you do decide to go ahead and send a photo - at least be a little excited about it.