Smile for the Camera

Ah, the curse of the penis picture. Recently a New York Congressman, appropriately named Wiener sexted on Twitter.

I'm no stranger to receiving an dirty picture or two. I had a brief flirtation with a guy online and thought he was normal enough to have my number. The FIRST thing he did was send me a picture of his dick with the caption "wanna ride?" No hello. No how ya doin. Just an upclose and graphic picture of his junk.

For some reason, the online dating scene is full of these guys. And no one wants to be "that guy". Usually it takes a few dates for me to decide if I want to see someone's package. I've been on okcupid for about a year now and if I wanted to, I could have enough penis pics to have a gallery opening. I might as well have been trolling for sex on craigslist.

I've seen them all. Big, small, crooked and uncut. Some are nice. Others remain burned into my retinas (fellas do the world a favor and try a little manscaping). Unless you've found Bigfoot's dick, I don't want to see photographic evidence of something that hairy.

And it seems the second the picture is received, all communication is lost. No more texts, emails or phone calls. And all I'm left with is photographic evidence that he has tamed the one-eyed monster. What I don't understand is why. If you're gonna commit to sending a photo why can't you commit to coffee? I'm at a total loss. And just like every mother thinks her baby is the most beautiful creature on the planet (mine actually is) every man thinks his manhood is the most beautiful...um, creature on the planet.

So I guess the moral is, once you send you can't go back again. So keep it in your pants until you've bought the lady a dinner or three. Oh, and if you do decide to go ahead and send a photo - at least be a little excited about it.

Beware

That's right. I'm in a foul mood today. A good friend suggested I go to the ladies room here at work and take care of myself.

Fellas do you actually do this? Duck into the men's room and give yourself an attitude adjustment in the middle of the day? I just can't imagine. That's so gross to me on so many levels. You know what? I don't actually wanna know if you do or don't.

I don't need an orgasm (ok, so yeah I do but whatevs). I need romance. I need the company of another adult (male). I need affection. And most of all, I need something to look forward to.

And a quick trip to the restroom accomplishes exactly NONE of that.

Finding a Way

While perusing through Target the other day, I found a sleep shirt that read "Love will find a Way".

Personally, I'd like to call bullshit on that.

There are plenty of outside factors that put so many obstacles in Love's proverbial path it's hard to claim it will always find a way.

For example, here lately I seem to find men that could be perfect for me. If only they didn't live so damn far away. Of course the dating pool here is terrifyingly shallow. But men who share my interests generally aren't drawn to East Texas. Men who enjoy the arts (and are straight), who are college-educated (and aren't already married) and will put up with my admitted quirkiness are extremely hard to find.

It's not that I've given up hope. I'm just going on hiatus awhile. I'm not going to actively look anymore.

And the funny thing is, everyone always tells me that when you stop looking is when you find that very special someone. My attitude has always been that if I'm not looking for something, I'll never find it.

Maybe the hurdles love has to jump in order to find me have been placed there myself. Maybe love will find a way after all.